Life Does Go On

So - I was without a job and without a coven. But I had a new weapon up my sleeve. I had (dramatic music please) EXPERIENCE! Unfortunately, not even a little creative fudging on an application could get me arrested as a waitress. My next job was an extremely short stint as a hostess at a new pizza place in Beverly Hills called California Pizza Kitchen. There is little to say about hostessing except that it sucks and I was really bad at it. It's a tough thing to be bad at because you don't actually do anything useful. When it's busy you greet people like an empty-headed Barbie doll. You tell them pre-recorded lies about the wait time, take them to tables they can see for themselves, and hand them menus. You answer the phone. People ask you questions about the menu while you are standing in a crowd of hungry customers giving you the hairy eyeball. People are not nice at the host stand. They are hungry, thirsty, and the most available person they have to abuse is the hostess. When it is slow, which is about four hours out of a six hour shift, you do nothing. And I mean nothing - NO, REALLY - NOTHING. As a hostess, "nothing" is taken to an absolute art form. It is the single, most painfully boring experience of my working life.

Now you will see as we move along, my earlier choice to keep my mouth shut was an unusual o ne. At CPK's I was unhappy from the start because I wasn't a waitress. I spent the four slow hours of my six hour shift, whining. I whined that I wasn't a waitress. I whined that my feet hurt from standing in one spot. I whined that I was bored out of mind. Finally I told the manager he was a pinhead (which he was) and I was fired. It's too bad really, because the greatest thing about hostessing is that it is boring and you are miserably paid. If you do it long enough and they don't make you a waitress, you are desperately poor and you hate your job so much that you get out of the restaurant business altogether and save yourself years of misery and pain. Alas, I did not avail myself of this great opportunity.

However, I was lucky enough to have been present at the great unveiling of the now world famous CPK BLT Pizza. It was a life changing experience. It wasn't the chef who came up with it, but one of the owners. The man was so excited and proud of himself that he glowed. He pirouetted around the pizza bar as he demonstrated how to first cook the pizza with the bacon on it, (I believe it is now sponsored by Hormel), then toss shredded iceberg lettuce and tomatoes with mayonnaise and serve it on top. I tastes exactly like a BLT! Amazing! There were tears in his eyes. He will always have a special place in my heart because when we toasted the pizza, I got my first (and last for many years) taste of really really expensive champagne. Thanks, Larry.